no, he came in my armpit
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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