ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize