what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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