just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
