my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
