He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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