Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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