I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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