Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
