She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
