he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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