I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
