The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
