We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This baby is an asshole
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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