Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
