ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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