We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
