Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
