Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
