I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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