FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
