I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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