he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
