I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You have to summon your inner elephant
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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