did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
