the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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