you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
