oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
