she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
