How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.