your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on