I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
