You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.