Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
