He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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