Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
