I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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