I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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