Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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