There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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