It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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