I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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