I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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