She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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