ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
