3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize