Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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