im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't put those talents on a resume
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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