i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
