This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
even my farts smell like vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's blow job season.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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