rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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