i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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