I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
