**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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