operation have a gay friend backfired
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
