end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
