Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
