Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
