lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
