why do cheetos always look like penises
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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