dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
