oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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