the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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