I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
