I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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